I Said Yes

I’m here because I said yes. I am a breast cancer survivor, warrior and advocate. I advocate for saying Yes to life. For self acceptance and body positivity. For self love and empowerment. 

In 2021, my life was turned upside down when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I felt a lump in my left breast and went to my doctor who immediately ordered a mammogram and ultrasound. Then I needed a biopsy and it took weeks to get the official results, even though the Dr had already said it was clear I had cancer and that it was just a matter of finding out the specific type. At that point it was an overwhelming whirlwind of various doctor appointments, lots of research and difficult decisions to be made. 

I had a double mastectomy that summer and chose not to do any reconstruction surgeries involving breast implants or anything else, due to health reasons. I now know that it’s called Aesthetic Flat Closure. I am lucky that my surgeon listened to all of my concerns and health goals and agreed that for me, staying flat was the best course of action. 

Before I was wheeled into surgery, I joked with him that he better do a good job, because when I go topless at the beach, I wanted people to be impressed with his handiwork enough to ask who my surgeon was, so that I could name drop him as an awesome surgeon. 

Recovery was emotionally, mentally and physically rough. I was so thankful to not have any more surgeries planned. I really just wanted to heal as quickly as possible and move on with my life. 

Cancer has caused me to really reflect on my life. I’ve thought of all things I still want to accomplish, places I want to see and people I still have yet to meet. It’s brought into focus all of the things that I value and has made it much easier to let go of the things that I don’t. I’ve learned to “Not sweat the small stuff.” And I can now see that most of the stuff that we tend to worry about, really is small stuff that doesn’t matter in the long run.

Despite the fear that came with cancer, there also came blessings. A big blessing is the support from other survivors. I discovered a community of other flat survivors (we are called Flatties) who decided to stay flat after their single or double mastectomies, or had explanted (taken out) their implants after their mastectomies (due to breast implant illness and/or surgery complications). We all have our various reasons and experiences, but we come together in unity to support each other in whatever we are going through. 

A recurring theme that is discussed is body positivity and acceptance. What does that look and feel like in a body that no longer looks like what general society says is “feminine”? Hollywood puts so much pressure on women to look a certain way, so the conversation around body image is already there. 

Now, let’s amputate the part of us that is viewed as what makes us women. It can be a struggle to accept what is now reflected in the mirror. Many of us have struggled with our “new normal.” And there are plenty more who love and embrace it immediately. Many of us are in between. We have our good days and our bad days. That is where I am. I know I made the right decision for me and I stand by it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have days that I struggle and mourn what I’ve lost. I’ve learned to live in the “both/and.” I can both love the strength and resilience of my body AND take however much time I need to feel comfortable in my body.

We joke about “Save the tatas”, “Save second base”, and the like. And yes, that’s great to save them if possible. But this is a deeper conversation than that. It’s about saving the woman. We are all more than just breasts. We are mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, girlfriends, friends…. We are people. People with hopes, dreams and stories not yet written.

We are humans that deserve to be loved exactly how we are. Our scars embraced and our courage commended. Acknowledged for our bravery in the face of a battle we didn’t choose and our willingness to fight for life.  

We are worth collectively fighting for. We are worth investing in. We are worth supporting. We are worth researching for a cure and we are worth being heard. 

And I am here to say “Yes to life!”